|synaptic disunion|

Friday, November 04, 2005

invisible man...

My body has gone
But my eyes remain
Hovering. Witnessing.

I saw someone today that I didn't recognize. He looked older than he should. He was tired. His beard was more grey than it should be at his age, and he seemed out of place, I know he felt out of place. He usually does.

I watched him go about his day with deliberate movements, and carefully choreographed reactions and responses, belying his own insecurity. I saw him pour over his family accounts, re-budget his life, their life, and I could feel his nervous anxiety about the future.

I watched him struggle with temptation, with his career, and with his friendships. He's a good actor, this one, but he occasionally wears thin and just wants to hide and dream that he is completely alone in the world. He doesn't mind alone. Alone is comfortable for him, but not entirely. But he needs little.

I shout my name in the public places
No one seems to notice
No one understands

He loves his wife, and his children deeply, maybe too deeply, if that's possible. He doesn't communicate his emotions well, he buries them inside, locks them away, lest someone mock him. He fears this above all else. Mockery.

She said there's a house in your mind
An attic of treasure, a forgotten pleasure park
Waiting inside you in the dark
Don't leave it behind

Today I saw an older man. A man who isn't much different than the younger man that he used to be, only with more and bigger concerns. Life concerns. He is someone I don't recognize right now, but I hope to someday get to know him a little better.

When I was a child I had marbles
They brought admiration and fame
They were pretty to look at and marbles
Was always my favorite game

lyrics - Marillion - Marbles - Invisible Man, Genie, Marbles II

: toadman : at Friday, November 04, 2005 |

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