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[ Very few toads in this world are Prince Charmings in disguise. Most are simply toads... - Hunter S. Thompson ]
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Monday, January 30, 2006

It flows by without being seen, silent and mute. Nothing stops its never ending momentum of..

"...hang on..."

We hardly notice it when it passes, or even what it leaves in it's wake. The changes are imperceptible. To our eyes all things remain the same. We continue to...

"Dad, this afternoon, I was laughing, and snot came out of my nose and went all the way down to my chin. I had to keep my mouth shut until mom wiped it off."
"Did you get the tissue yourself?"
"Why did you make mom wipe it off?"
"...uh, I don't know."
"Please run along and get in your bed please. Good night, love you."
"Love you too, dad."

Our lives continue on as if nothing has changed. But the moments pass, and the colors fade, and the people change, and the scenery shifts. If we become too complacent to notice the almost imperceptible, we become automatons, incapable of ...

"I was just wondering if mom was going to come down and tuck me in also?"
"I'll ask when I go up. Go get in your bed please. Love you."
"Love you too dad."

Ok, skip it. What I'm trying to say using flowery and pompous language is this; stop and smell the roses for crying out loud! I'm going to bed before he comes in here again. Sheesh!


Emotions. They're really nothing but the release of a cocktail of chemicals in the brain after external stimulation. But for us, the thinking animal, they become so much more complex it would seem. We can be floating along just fine, when something triggers an emotion. Something out of the blue, something even unexpected.

Were they talking about me?

No. Not likely. But the emotion grows. The paranoia rises in the back of the mind like a dark cloud and tries to prevent rational thought from keeping it's foothold. One slip, and it's a long way back to normality. After the slip, paranoia turns to anger, anger turns to fear, fear turns to action. Try to stop it. Hard, isn't it?

But it can be stopped. The damage, however, has been done. Growing in us from day to day are complex sets of individual reactions to external stimuli. When a similar set of stimuli occurs, the emotion is stronger, and harder to control.

I give up.

This is darkness. Selfishly turning inward and seeing worthlessness. Goaded on by thoughts of inadequacy, a whole host of chemicals are released, and remain bound. Millions suffer from this. I do, periodically. Depression is anger withdrawn and pointed inward. Misdirected angst. Wasted energy.

Emotions. We live and die feeling emotions. We are directed, lead, and follow by emotion. We love by emotion. We listen with emotion. We drive, work, play and eat by emotion. We are sometimes ruled by emotion.

Sometimes, we are ruined by emotions.


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grimy t
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