existential...
There are people who are always striving to find that place where they belong. They need a group with which to be a part. They're always looking for a community in which to fit, somehow. I admire these people, yet also wonder at their painful longing.
Then, there are people who've given up. They've stopped trying to fit in at all. They don't want to be a part of your world, or even their own world. They create barriers around them that cannot be penetrated. Isolating themselves they watch and wring their hands in anxious worry at the world that has passed them by from behind self erected ideological bars. I worry about these people.
Sometimes, there are people in between these two extremes. I think this is where I am, right now. I don't really need a place to belong. I have that place. I don't really need a community in which to contribute, but I wouldn't mind it, I suppose. I have grave concerns about the world and it's direction, but I'm not in any position to change it right now, though I think I do what I can for my own peace.
My place and group to which I am a part is my home and my family. My community is here, now. I need no other existence beyond this.
also, I made this...
I love playing with Flickr/Picknik on my vacation...so I decided to make this (see left).
I know, silly slogan, but I did it anyway. I like Barack Obama. I really do, and I don't care who knows. I don't care if some ill-informed dimwit in West Virginia thinks he's a Muslim, or some racist jerk won't vote for him because he's black, or if some other brain dead mouth breather thinks his middle name is a sure sign of evil. I think he's cool. I think he's smart. If you judge someone on their name...a name THEY didn't even get to chose, you're an idiot.
Feel free to steal and use this picture to promote Obama on your website, I don't even care if you give me credit. I'm also gonna send a copy to www.barackobama.com, in case they want to see it...they might not even like it...but I do.
Vote smart America...it could be your last chance.
vacation is a trip, man...
It's like, I've never seen colors and stuff like this...there's this whole world outside of work and stuff, you know?
Yesterday, I saw this little man in my garden, wearing green leaves and stuff. He said his name was Jack...he was working really hard. Jack-o-the-Green, he said his whole name was. I was all, "hey man, why you trippin so hard man? Chill out and stuff." He said, "hey man, we've all got a part to play." and he walked away and made the forget-me-nots burst into flower (see picture below).
So I just sat next to Gnigel our Gnome, for the rest of the day (see picture above). He'd been doin' some stuff that was a real trip, so I just lay down and watched the show.
Yeah, vacation is a trip, man.
water music...
Parents drove off tonight. Yeah. They drove from Texas to Spokane, and start driving home in the morning.
We had a good visit. We went and saw the Spokane River in flood, but we decided not to kayak it...this time...unlike OTHER law breaking citizens...you know who you are!
Other than that little outing, that's all we did. Southerners, you see, visit. We sit around, and, well, visit. We eat, drink tea, take naps, and visit.
I'm off the rest of the week though, and household projects are calling, so I can't say that I'll be back to posting regularly just yet...
Love to all!
taking a holiday...
My parents are in town. I'll post when I can. See you all in about a week, or so..or maybe sooner.. who knows!
10,000 days = 27 years...
...this might be lengthy...bear with me, if you want.
Would you ever imagine a guy like me, who writes the kind of hopeful drivel that I write, would enjoy a band like Tool? Me either, actually. What kind of images do you get in your head when you think of Tool? I remember when, for me, their dark and heavy music was the soundtrack to a meth or coke addict life, lying somewhere on a vomit and blood encrusted shag carpet in some two-bit motel on the seedy side of town. People lock their car doors when they hear their music, the car doors in their minds. I always got the impression that their listener base was out on the fringes of sanity and embedded in the throws of substance abuse and multiple piercings of as many bodily locations as possible. Admittedly, that image isn't entirely wrong. But, as with most things, the first impression isn't always the right impression...the truth isn't always black and white...it's somewhere in between.Alrighty, then ... picture this if you will.
10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes,
in my "need to know" pose, just outside of Area 51
Contemplating the whole "chosen people" thingy
when a flaming stealth banana split the sky
like one would hope but never really expect
to see in a place like this.
Cutting right angle donuts on a dime
and stopping right at my Birkenstocks,
I remember when Rush was called, by a radio jockey somewhere in Texas, the "thinking man's metal band." I thought about that, and said, yeah.. that's true. Peart's writing, while a little too Ayn Rand for my tastes these days, was always interesting and thoughtful. With Tool, it's not quite the same, however. Their Parental Advisory lyrics are peppered with images that would curl your nose hairs, and dark thoughts that would make you cringe. However, in the darkness, there is sometimes clarity. Intellectual? Not really. Introspective? Often. You don't have to be college educated to be self-aware...so why are so many fans of Tool complete...well, tools? I don't really know. Perhaps they're drawn to the danger of the darkness like a moth is drawn to the edge of the flame. One thing's for sure, you'll never find me at a Tool concert. Why? I'd likely be beaten up and rolled for drug money.Then the X-Files being,
Looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan
with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of
vanilla Chig Champa
Did a slow-mo Matrix descent
Outta the butt end of the banana vessel
So why in the name of all that is sacred and hopeful, do I find any compelling reason to listen to Tool? It's just the music, really. It's the atmospheres they create so well. They're dark, and sometimes make your skin crawl, and that takes talent, in my limited opinion. Also, mathematics is their friend. Moving from 6/8 to 4/4 to 3/4 to 2/2 in the space of one musical phrase might be jarring to the untrained ear, but musical candy to geeks like me. Their way of rolling the harmony around a bouncing bell-toned drone note perks up my ears and causes me to give a listen.And after calming me down
with some orange slices
and some fetal spooning,
E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
He said, "You are the Chosen One,
the One who will deliver the message.
A message of hope for those who choose to hear it
and a warning for those who do not."
Me. The Chosen One?
They chose me!!!
And I didn't even graduate from f^#&in' high school.
Tool's album 10,000 days has to be, in my opinion, the best of their efforts so far, and I applaud them, even if their fan base, and indeed, the members of Tool themselves, would all give me the one finger salute for trying to dissect their music like the psych patient that it is right before they slug me in the face.
Monkey killing monkey killing monkey over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs they make a club,
And beat their brother down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.
Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability,
To lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here.
Labels: music
i'd rather be in my garden...
Morning appointment, slept in.
Afternoon appointment, blood drawn.
Workday abbreviated, headache still.
Youngest fell off a toy, blood from lip.
Away I leave, again.
Goodbye Monday. I don't trust you anymore. I'll see you next week.
i promise to never do this again...seriously..
...this is just, well, something I should have never done, ever. I think I'll just stick to posting videos of the kids and writing instead. See how I mumble? How I can't talk very well? Yeah...back to writing. No more of this. This is bad. Also, I'm really not this insane in person. Really. Don't be to frightened (like I was after viewing myself.).
Anyway, have a nice weekend everyone!
what the hail!?
Growing up in Texas, I'm used to storms on scales so epic as to be biblical in their scope. It's really hard to explain to the up-landers here in the atmospherically calm Inland Northwest, really, and truly, what they were like.
They made you feel small. Tiny, in fact. They made you feel helpless. Like trying to hold back the tide. There was nothing, really, you could do to stop them, and very little you could do to defend yourself against them. People living in Tornado Alley will understand this. People sometime ask me if this is the reason we moved away from our tiny home in tornado alley. I answer, emphatically, "NO" when asked this. We moved for other reasons.
So why do I bring this up on this calm and sunny spring day here in the inland northwest? Simple. I have a niece who lives in Austin Texas. Yeah...Austin, that little spot of blue smack dab in the middle of all that Texas red. That little oasis if "hip" in the middle of all that "hick." Yeah. THAT Austin. Anyway, she got hammered last night by a hailstorm the likes of which would wither and crumple the weather weak of the inland northwest. She endured weather that would have reduced an inland north westerner to tears and have them whimpering and praying in a corner. She's got the pictures and video's to prove it...here: http://wittlemelody.blogspot.com/
happy birthday...
Today is my wife's birthday. I won't tell you how old she is today, that would be rude...so, I'll let you guess by looking at her youthful face in the picture above.
I love her so much, but I often falter when I try to tell her. I don't really talk very well...I write. When I try to tell her how much I love her, I fail miserably. I stammer, I stutter, I look down and mumble. I never know what to give her because I don't pay enough attention to detail, I think.
But on this day, above all other days, I want her to know that I love her more than anything in the world. She has made me a happy man, and a complete man. In so many ways, I feel like I am a very lucky man to have her by my side, raising our boys, and sacrificing our lives for theirs.
I love you, my dear. With all my heart and soul. I will love you forever.
i don't want to hear it...
Don't tell me God did this because they aren't Christian. I don't want to hear it. Don't tell me it's just the planet erasing a few too many. I don't want to hear that either. Don't tell me that some balance of karma was off and they're paying the price for their human rights violations, their communism, their pollution, their whatever. Humanity is humanity, no matter where they are, who they are, what they believe, or how they live. They are us. Grieve with them like they were your own.
the only things that matter, in reverse...
I worked out today. First time in a while. It felt good. I should do that more often.
I went to work today. I almost forgot to go, but in the end, I remembered that I "had somewhere I had to go," so I went.
We had Mother's Day on Sunday. It could have been better, I think. I could have done more, I think. I just hope she knows we love her. We love her a lot.
Saturday we went to Chuck E. Cheese. It was bombastic. The kids, the ones that actually came, liked it, I think. But, I don't think we'll make that a regular birthday place. We'll miss Savage Land.
Friday, our youngest and middle son and I spent time at the coffee shop, allowing my wife to rest. Middle got lost in the park because he couldn't find me when I stopped to change a diaper. Found him at the Elementary School up the hill. The ladies in the office now think I'm a reprobate because he told them I was still "at the coffee shop" while he was at the park...alone. This is ok because it means they'll stop asking me to volunteer.
Last Thursday, was my 38th birthday, and my middle son's 5th. We celebrated in style.
just a note...
..to say thanks for all the birthday wishes for my son and I today. It's more than I expected, and much more than I'm worth (THANKS PHIL! MAN!! YAY!!! You know what for...).
We're having a good day, and it's about to wind down. I'm glad I took the day off today, it was needed. I've recently been having bouts with painful headaches in the morning and the afternoon...none today though. You think there might be a connection?
The picture above was taken at Manito Park a last weekend. If you click on it you'll see a MUCH larger picture in higher detail. I know the boys both have goofy looks on their faces, but it's pretty indicative of them, so I went ahead and manipulated it on our Flickr using Picnik using a number of tools. It was fun to do, and I like how it turned out.
Also, I wanted to post this, with the quote under it, just for fun...It's kinda for Phil, but I think everyone might like it...
"Are you going to have a haircut while you're in America?" asked a reporter.
"We had one yesterday," John snapped.
"What do you call that hairstyle of yours?"
"I call it 'Arthur'," George quipped.
"How do you like this welcome?"
"So this is America. They all seemed out of their minds," Ringo answered.
If you know when and where those words were spoken, and by whom, you're much cooler than me! I mean, I knew, but...well...I'm just not very cool, that's all.
Love to all!
caveat vacuus...
Bloggers come and go...and sometimes come back again...right before they go for good.
Me? I keep on going, whether you like it or not. Whether you comment, or not. I really don't know why. I just do. Is my mindset different than other bloggers? Probably. I'm probably more selfish than others. I don't write for my readers. I write for me. I've heard some bloggers say they felt obligated to post something...anything. I never do. Probably because my narcissism knows no boundaries.
Many of you might know that my friend A. Scott White, over at Caveat Emptor, has stopped blogging. Some of you may not know this. Some of you might also know that Scott and I have known each other literally since we were in diapers. I don't know why he's stopped. He just has. I'm ok with that. Bloggers come and go, and you can't please everyone, right? I know a person who thinks Scott's writing is the end all and be all of creative writing on the internet. This person feels that there is no equal. I also know another person who thinks Scott is a fraud who's life is a lie and who writes out of angst while hiding his true feelings. Me? I think we all fall somewhere in between, if truth be told. The truth is never simple, or easy, or black and white.
Needless to say, Scott has hung up his pixels, for now. He may or may not be back. Who knows. As for me, I'll still be here, Journaling (DON'T CALL IT A BLOG!) to myself, like some aging mediocre writer who just can't/WON'T (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!) stop.
winter and spring...
I don't know how long she's lived there on Lacrosse, one street over from us, but if you walk by her small muted yellow house with it's northern Magnolia tree, blooming white this time of year, you might see her standing behind the glass of her screen door. With a hint of a smile crossing her white paper-thin skinned face, and her thick nightgown, if it's after 6pm, she'll wave at you. I can only imagine what she thinks to herself as I walk our one year old under her Magnolia tree, plucking one singular bloom, and offering it to him to smell.
A few years ago, she'd walk outside and great us, asking our names in her shaky voice, talking about the tree, and smiling at us. Those days I'd see another person inside, a man in a recliner, the flicker of the television bouncing off his peaceful empty face and white hair. These days, the chair is empty, and yet, she still smiles, and waves. I imagine they were happy in their old age. I imagine they have children, grandchildren, and possibly even great grandchildren coming to visit them before he passed, though I've never seen anyone there but them...and yet she still smiles, and waves.
What will I...we...be like when we're that old? I have hopes, fears, and also dreams...as we all do. Life isn't easy. Time is unrelenting and unforgiving. Things get in the way sometimes and we let things go far too long. But we are to important to let slide apart. I won't let it happen. I hope...I have to hope...that the lady on Lacrosse was happy with her lover until death did part them. I have to hope that she's even happy still, knowing he's at peace.
We still walk by her house. She still stands there, empty recliner behind her, television off, smiling and waving. I smile...and wave back.
irritability...
I'll be honest with you all, I'm out of sorts today. I'm irritable, I'm tired, and I have dysphonia because, as the nurse practitioner over the weekend said "Dysphonia is caused by either a nasal drip, a cold, or throat cancer." Thanks lady. Really.
I just don't really want to 'deal' with anything today.
Our middle son and I share a birthday this week, this Thursday. I'll be 38, he'll be five. So, what happens over the weekend? The place he wanted to go to more than anything else for his party, Savage Land, burned to the ground. He's distraught. It may be a tiny little thing in your world. It may have been a nasty noisy place that you hated, a place to be laughed at and who's burning down means it's just one less thing you have to mock and make fun of, but to him, it was full of joy, laughter and giant tubes. He's only five, after all. He doesn't care about our politics or our complaints. He only cares about having fun and eating pizza.
I think I may have to take some days off to get over this funk, and before I break down in frustrated tears. I don't like myself when I'm irritable. I don't enjoy life when I'm irritable. I don't even write well when I'm irritable...so I'll stop for now.
on falling down...
Sometimes...
when we try new things...
we fall flat on our face.
butterfly effect...
What if you woke up tomorrow, and went to buy gasoline for your SUV, and there was none? What would you do?
What if you went to Super Wal-Mart to buy food and sundries but the shelves were almost bare? What would you do?
What if you woke up in the morning tomorrow, and tried to turn on the light, and it didn't work, the water didn't run, the toilet didn't flush?
Have you ever wondered what we might be doing to prevent these sorts of society crumbling events from happening? I have. It's not that I'm better than anyone at conserving the world, recycling, driving less, or using less water, I just think about things sometimes...I worry about things that are outside of my control. I'm concerned about what the future holds for my boys, and wonder how I should prepare them. I worry when I see that the complexity and modernity of our society, while it has made life easier and more entertaining and enjoyable, has taken out of my control simple things like, how I gather food for my family.
Interconnected lines and radiating problems are the hallmarks of a complex and modern civilization. The butterfly effect. Just ask the Greeks and Romans.
